(Unrealistic) Expectations

I was having some serious OP love earlier this week. The whole "of course you go to your sister's event" thing was up there as well as his hand in talking with Man Who Makes Me Cry In My Own Office (who had e-mailed me wanted to share thoughts on youth sunday... thoughts which consisted of "did I miss something because how was that considered a worship service." Oh yeah.)

But you know, I think that love is fading at the moment (it's not all gone, just the glow). The interferance he was going to run, I'm sure tempered Man Who's rudeness but I still got jerked around by him. I don't know exactly how he deals with Man Who but I sometimes think he could do even more. Does he ever call Man Who out on his down-right rude treatment of me or is it "well, that's just something they'll have to work out." Which would be fine, I suppose, except Man Who literally worships OP and I think sometimes if he just said "look, you two don't see eye-to-eye but you've got to stop patronizing and needling her" it might help. Or at least let me know I'm not alone in this.

Also, and this is minor and petty (but), we have an executive team meeting before our session meeting each month. At 8am. On Friday. My day off. So, that's lame in and of itself - a day I shouldn't be at work at a time that he knows I'm not at my best. Apparently they used to meet at lunch on Friday before the session meeting (which would me at least half better). So I've always kinda been bothered by the fact he never said "hey, we have a new team member on board who is off this day and it's ridiculous to ask her to schedule a meeting on her own time, so let's move it to Thursday."

So this morning I arrive at the meeting at 8:01am (there was traffic on my way over). And at the end of the meeting he asks to see me. To "ask" me to be at church 5 minutes before the meeting. Because, you know, it's been a couple meetings now that I've arrived exactly on time or a minute late (literally a minute). And, of course, he starts this meeting (not the session meeting or any other meeting but THIS meeting at 8 freaking am) before the actual meeting time or exactly on the dot.

This is just a small example of a constant theme. It's gotten much, much better, but I don't know if OP fully respects me or sees me as a colleague or is fully aware of his power over me and how much that, well, sucks for me.

Ah, rant done now. Now it's time to try and write a sermon about not fearing. Hmmm... one of these days maybe I'll take my own advice and actually talk to OP about some of this. Probably not, but maybe.

Edited to Add: Got an e-mail back from Man Who... apparently youth sunday begs the question of why the youth weren't challenged enough (I didn't realize they hadn't been) and while he thanks me for me e-mail, he doesn't appreciate my condescending tone. Wow. Um, didn't know I had been condescending in said e-mail - in fact had a friend look at it before I sent it to make sure all was pleasant. But I think what he reads as condescending is me answering his trap question - "how was that considered a worship service" - as best as I could. I drove back the the office to talk to OP - which meant crying of course - and while he said, there's nothing you can do, I wanted to say "well, what about you?" When a parishioner is just not nice to someone, even a minister, shouldn't we address that? Bleh...

good conversation

This afternoon I had a good - no, really, great - conversation with OP. I knew it was coming after last night - Director told him I was upset about comments made - and he, of course, wanted to talk with me.

Apparently out of 55 surveys 2 folks had negative things to say about me (definitely in that certain age group). But one of the overarching themes that came out of the survey was the strength of pastoral leadership - how the two of us were a benefit to Church, the way we complimented each other and what not. He rightfully said he didn't want to dismiss anyone, but that it's very possible people judged me as I was when I first showed up (all bright-eyed and fresh from seminary) and haven't allowed me room for growth in their minds.

Then we talked about that growth - how part of me was a little silly, not just joyful, but how I've grown into my pastoral identity, matured and what not. We also talked about where I may be called next. It was good to get his perspective - how he can see me loving a non-traditional but still solidly in the church structure call, being creative with worship and connecting to people, going out and meeting people where they are (literally and figuratively), continuing in the pastoral care that I get to do here. He talked about how great it is to watch that maturity and growth.

Yay.

the first rant

So something must have made the lightbulb go on that says "mmm, need private blog space." And here it is.

Other Pastor and I are meeting the the music staff on Wednesday to go through the rest of the year's worship schedule. Part of that schedule includes who's preaching what Sundays. Well, OP and I are talking in his office and he mentions to me that per our conversation earlier in the summer (in which I said I'd like to preach more high holy days... wait, excuse me, any high holy days as I haven't preached one since Palm Sunday my first year here) he'd scheduled me to preach on World Communion Sunday. Yippie, I exclaimed, that's my favorite Sunday. I remember, he says with a smile.

All good, yes? Well of course this story has a plot twist (otherwise it would be a pretty lame rant). I received the calendar that we'll use to talk about music and other fun events during worship. And I notice that while I am indeed scheduled to preach World Communion Sunday (glee!) I am not scheduled to preach any Sunday in Advent.

I'm sorry, what? Now, it's bad enough when the female Associate gets the "Mary" day because being female we can of course understand her better or preach her better or just do the Advent Sunday the male Pastor doesn't want to, but no Sunday at all? Upon realizing this, I knock on OP's door, only to find he's left the office for a bit. It's been a couple hours now and he's not back.

Now, it could very well be that he wanted to discuss which Sundays we wanted to do in Advent and thus didn't put it on the proposed calendar but he could have talked about that with me this morning when he "gave me" World Communion Sunday. I don't know what's going on (and we all know how much I hate that!). I also noticed that the way the preaching schedule breaks down, there's a 6 week gap between my preaching dates this fall. I don't think that OP knows that last time that happened, I had quite a few people asking me when I was going to preach, telling me they missed hearing my voice.

Don't worry, as soon as he gets back in, I'll be telling him.

***edited to add the update: apparently there's some confusion about what the music people are doing during Advent (are they doing a whole Sunday thing or just pieces during each Sunday) which will affect the preaching schedule. And here's where things get funny - I saw I wasn't scheduled and immediately thought "crap" but really, things are fine. OP and I have been doing really well lately (I haven't been "in trouble" for over 8 months) but I totally keep expecting the other shoe to fall, like it's too good or something. Must work on not being an anxious freak.