I'm enjoying a nice stay-cation at the moment. Thought about heading out of town but decided that I just needed to stay put and do absolutely nothing. Well, nothing and just a little bit of work on that form. You know, the one we ministers put out when we're open to a new call. Yep, I've promised myself (and my dear friends who have had to put up with me and my lack of happiness in my job) that I'm putting that form out.
I love my church - I love the people - but I haven't been challenged in a way I enjoy for quite some time. And while there are things on the horizon that are exciting, I think I'm here to plant those seeds and then someone else water them. I think. Of course, I could be completely wrong (and I'd be okay with that) but it's time to not just say I'm open, but to actually be open.
So, lazy days with a little bit of future thinking. Good vacation so far.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Friday, November 14, 2008
(Unrealistic) Expectations
I was having some serious OP love earlier this week. The whole "of course you go to your sister's event" thing was up there as well as his hand in talking with Man Who Makes Me Cry In My Own Office (who had e-mailed me wanted to share thoughts on youth sunday... thoughts which consisted of "did I miss something because how was that considered a worship service." Oh yeah.)
But you know, I think that love is fading at the moment (it's not all gone, just the glow). The interferance he was going to run, I'm sure tempered Man Who's rudeness but I still got jerked around by him. I don't know exactly how he deals with Man Who but I sometimes think he could do even more. Does he ever call Man Who out on his down-right rude treatment of me or is it "well, that's just something they'll have to work out." Which would be fine, I suppose, except Man Who literally worships OP and I think sometimes if he just said "look, you two don't see eye-to-eye but you've got to stop patronizing and needling her" it might help. Or at least let me know I'm not alone in this.
Also, and this is minor and petty (but), we have an executive team meeting before our session meeting each month. At 8am. On Friday. My day off. So, that's lame in and of itself - a day I shouldn't be at work at a time that he knows I'm not at my best. Apparently they used to meet at lunch on Friday before the session meeting (which would me at least half better). So I've always kinda been bothered by the fact he never said "hey, we have a new team member on board who is off this day and it's ridiculous to ask her to schedule a meeting on her own time, so let's move it to Thursday."
So this morning I arrive at the meeting at 8:01am (there was traffic on my way over). And at the end of the meeting he asks to see me. To "ask" me to be at church 5 minutes before the meeting. Because, you know, it's been a couple meetings now that I've arrived exactly on time or a minute late (literally a minute). And, of course, he starts this meeting (not the session meeting or any other meeting but THIS meeting at 8 freaking am) before the actual meeting time or exactly on the dot.
This is just a small example of a constant theme. It's gotten much, much better, but I don't know if OP fully respects me or sees me as a colleague or is fully aware of his power over me and how much that, well, sucks for me.
Ah, rant done now. Now it's time to try and write a sermon about not fearing. Hmmm... one of these days maybe I'll take my own advice and actually talk to OP about some of this. Probably not, but maybe.
Edited to Add: Got an e-mail back from Man Who... apparently youth sunday begs the question of why the youth weren't challenged enough (I didn't realize they hadn't been) and while he thanks me for me e-mail, he doesn't appreciate my condescending tone. Wow. Um, didn't know I had been condescending in said e-mail - in fact had a friend look at it before I sent it to make sure all was pleasant. But I think what he reads as condescending is me answering his trap question - "how was that considered a worship service" - as best as I could. I drove back the the office to talk to OP - which meant crying of course - and while he said, there's nothing you can do, I wanted to say "well, what about you?" When a parishioner is just not nice to someone, even a minister, shouldn't we address that? Bleh...
But you know, I think that love is fading at the moment (it's not all gone, just the glow). The interferance he was going to run, I'm sure tempered Man Who's rudeness but I still got jerked around by him. I don't know exactly how he deals with Man Who but I sometimes think he could do even more. Does he ever call Man Who out on his down-right rude treatment of me or is it "well, that's just something they'll have to work out." Which would be fine, I suppose, except Man Who literally worships OP and I think sometimes if he just said "look, you two don't see eye-to-eye but you've got to stop patronizing and needling her" it might help. Or at least let me know I'm not alone in this.
Also, and this is minor and petty (but), we have an executive team meeting before our session meeting each month. At 8am. On Friday. My day off. So, that's lame in and of itself - a day I shouldn't be at work at a time that he knows I'm not at my best. Apparently they used to meet at lunch on Friday before the session meeting (which would me at least half better). So I've always kinda been bothered by the fact he never said "hey, we have a new team member on board who is off this day and it's ridiculous to ask her to schedule a meeting on her own time, so let's move it to Thursday."
So this morning I arrive at the meeting at 8:01am (there was traffic on my way over). And at the end of the meeting he asks to see me. To "ask" me to be at church 5 minutes before the meeting. Because, you know, it's been a couple meetings now that I've arrived exactly on time or a minute late (literally a minute). And, of course, he starts this meeting (not the session meeting or any other meeting but THIS meeting at 8 freaking am) before the actual meeting time or exactly on the dot.
This is just a small example of a constant theme. It's gotten much, much better, but I don't know if OP fully respects me or sees me as a colleague or is fully aware of his power over me and how much that, well, sucks for me.
Ah, rant done now. Now it's time to try and write a sermon about not fearing. Hmmm... one of these days maybe I'll take my own advice and actually talk to OP about some of this. Probably not, but maybe.
Edited to Add: Got an e-mail back from Man Who... apparently youth sunday begs the question of why the youth weren't challenged enough (I didn't realize they hadn't been) and while he thanks me for me e-mail, he doesn't appreciate my condescending tone. Wow. Um, didn't know I had been condescending in said e-mail - in fact had a friend look at it before I sent it to make sure all was pleasant. But I think what he reads as condescending is me answering his trap question - "how was that considered a worship service" - as best as I could. I drove back the the office to talk to OP - which meant crying of course - and while he said, there's nothing you can do, I wanted to say "well, what about you?" When a parishioner is just not nice to someone, even a minister, shouldn't we address that? Bleh...
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Wiggin Out
Those who have known me since at least college have probably been witness to a good "Amy Freak Out." This usually includes some inaudible monologuing, noises that sound a bit like a wounded and therefor pissed off animal, and some sort of physical reaction (throwing pillows, lying on the floor, ect...)
Yesterday I had a nice mini-freak out (there was no lying down on the floor or hanging out inside a closet). Found out that Church's big-but-quite-frankly-unimportant-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things event is the same weekend as my sister's big-and-truly-important event. And of course, the events are only about 12 hours apart and on different coasts. Sweet.
Add to that general left-over stress from the weekend, the 3rd funeral in a week, and silly girl-thinks-boy-is-interesting-but-can't-get-read-on-boy, and you have the mini-freak out.
All is better now - Other Pastor is backing me up on my going to sister's event AND talking to Man Who Makes Me Cry In My Own Office about this past Sunday (he had sent me an e-mail wanting to get together to share some "thoughts" and OP is going to run interferance!). Silly girlness was momentary and has passed, and while I do have ANOTHER funeral this weekend, I think I'm just getting used to it.
But, as always, when I'm wiggin out, I have wonderful friends who just let me spaz and my background on my computer to calm me down - a yummy picture of our President-Elect. Oh happy day!
Yesterday I had a nice mini-freak out (there was no lying down on the floor or hanging out inside a closet). Found out that Church's big-but-quite-frankly-unimportant-in-the-grand-scheme-of-things event is the same weekend as my sister's big-and-truly-important event. And of course, the events are only about 12 hours apart and on different coasts. Sweet.
Add to that general left-over stress from the weekend, the 3rd funeral in a week, and silly girl-thinks-boy-is-interesting-but-can't-get-read-on-boy, and you have the mini-freak out.
All is better now - Other Pastor is backing me up on my going to sister's event AND talking to Man Who Makes Me Cry In My Own Office about this past Sunday (he had sent me an e-mail wanting to get together to share some "thoughts" and OP is going to run interferance!). Silly girlness was momentary and has passed, and while I do have ANOTHER funeral this weekend, I think I'm just getting used to it.
But, as always, when I'm wiggin out, I have wonderful friends who just let me spaz and my background on my computer to calm me down - a yummy picture of our President-Elect. Oh happy day!
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