a brief peak

Not a whole lot is going on at the moment - though I've been told by Rev Kettle I need to blog for her amusement.

This weekend I'm going to see Mamma Mia - with two widows from my church. Not quite how I thought I'd catch that flick, but there you go!

I'm also preaching this Sunday on a topic I really am not entirely excited by (Christ as King, anyone?) so my sermon writing will be excruciating, I am sure.

OP and I have begun weekly catch-up meetings, which is fine I suppose. Feels a little like he's micromanaging again, but I'm taking up asking him about all the little things he's doing and offering my unsolicited opinion back. Just to keep things balanced.

Watched the newish BBC/PBS Sense and Sensibility and LOVED it. My favorite version now.

I still marvel at the level of dippiness of certain people in my acquaintance.

And it's only Tuesday!

status update

So here's where I seem to stand.

I'm open to God calling me somewhere else.

I'm not needing that, not saying "I've got to go" but I'm open to the Spirit's movement. Open in that I'm going to let a few key people know. Open in that I'll try and be more aware and attune to that possibility.

good conversation

This afternoon I had a good - no, really, great - conversation with OP. I knew it was coming after last night - Director told him I was upset about comments made - and he, of course, wanted to talk with me.

Apparently out of 55 surveys 2 folks had negative things to say about me (definitely in that certain age group). But one of the overarching themes that came out of the survey was the strength of pastoral leadership - how the two of us were a benefit to Church, the way we complimented each other and what not. He rightfully said he didn't want to dismiss anyone, but that it's very possible people judged me as I was when I first showed up (all bright-eyed and fresh from seminary) and haven't allowed me room for growth in their minds.

Then we talked about that growth - how part of me was a little silly, not just joyful, but how I've grown into my pastoral identity, matured and what not. We also talked about where I may be called next. It was good to get his perspective - how he can see me loving a non-traditional but still solidly in the church structure call, being creative with worship and connecting to people, going out and meeting people where they are (literally and figuratively), continuing in the pastoral care that I get to do here. He talked about how great it is to watch that maturity and growth.

Yay.

just a little bit heartbroken

Aha!

Well, it's not a shoe, because this one's fallen before, but it's something. Things have been going really well lately - OP and I have been doing great, even Man Who Makes Me Cry In My Own Office and I have been alright. And then I do something stupid - like look at a survey the evangelism task force put out to our congregation a bit ago, about worship, strengths and things we can improve on, that sort of thing.

Well, the guy who's been running the survey had a couple to give to our communication director at the session meeting tonight. I happened to pick them up - I've been curious about what people think about worship (it's been something on my mind). One survey in particular stands out.

Now, just to be clear - the person is possibly male (or doesn't know how to click the little button thingies) and medicare age (their words, though he or she clicked the 5-19 age bracket) and been going here forever. I notice that on things that inspire, enjoy, it's senior pastor's prayers and sermons, senior pastor's spiritual leadership, etc. This person actually has some things about what we might have in worship that I agree on (which I'm sure would be shocking to him or her). This person mentions that the joy of worship, possible all church life, has been gone for the past 2 1/2 years (I've been here 3 as of Friday). This person also mentions in the comments section (along with let's go back to one service and hey, where are the youth) that the associate pastor should find her own church.

Yeah.

I know, I know, this isn't shocking. I was brought on for change and someone who doesn't like change doesn't like me. But still, ouch. And the thing is, I've actually been thinking about my call lately and while I don't feel called to move yet, I know it's coming in the next few years. And stupid comments like this make me want to jump the gun and make it happen now. To look and search just to be affirmed like I was during the call/courtship process.

Now, I won't do that. The communications director who sees me starting to break down (I was in her office) assures me that this is the only one like that. If it were a serious trend, I might listen up, but just one person with a grind to ax and a forum to do it in, I know can't be taken too seriously. Still... ouch.

the first rant

So something must have made the lightbulb go on that says "mmm, need private blog space." And here it is.

Other Pastor and I are meeting the the music staff on Wednesday to go through the rest of the year's worship schedule. Part of that schedule includes who's preaching what Sundays. Well, OP and I are talking in his office and he mentions to me that per our conversation earlier in the summer (in which I said I'd like to preach more high holy days... wait, excuse me, any high holy days as I haven't preached one since Palm Sunday my first year here) he'd scheduled me to preach on World Communion Sunday. Yippie, I exclaimed, that's my favorite Sunday. I remember, he says with a smile.

All good, yes? Well of course this story has a plot twist (otherwise it would be a pretty lame rant). I received the calendar that we'll use to talk about music and other fun events during worship. And I notice that while I am indeed scheduled to preach World Communion Sunday (glee!) I am not scheduled to preach any Sunday in Advent.

I'm sorry, what? Now, it's bad enough when the female Associate gets the "Mary" day because being female we can of course understand her better or preach her better or just do the Advent Sunday the male Pastor doesn't want to, but no Sunday at all? Upon realizing this, I knock on OP's door, only to find he's left the office for a bit. It's been a couple hours now and he's not back.

Now, it could very well be that he wanted to discuss which Sundays we wanted to do in Advent and thus didn't put it on the proposed calendar but he could have talked about that with me this morning when he "gave me" World Communion Sunday. I don't know what's going on (and we all know how much I hate that!). I also noticed that the way the preaching schedule breaks down, there's a 6 week gap between my preaching dates this fall. I don't think that OP knows that last time that happened, I had quite a few people asking me when I was going to preach, telling me they missed hearing my voice.

Don't worry, as soon as he gets back in, I'll be telling him.

***edited to add the update: apparently there's some confusion about what the music people are doing during Advent (are they doing a whole Sunday thing or just pieces during each Sunday) which will affect the preaching schedule. And here's where things get funny - I saw I wasn't scheduled and immediately thought "crap" but really, things are fine. OP and I have been doing really well lately (I haven't been "in trouble" for over 8 months) but I totally keep expecting the other shoe to fall, like it's too good or something. Must work on not being an anxious freak.

joining the crowd

After a wonderful adventure in Home Country with two other brilliant women of distinction, it came to my attention that I need a space in the on-line universe where I can just be me. Not the Reverend, not that young thing, not whatever other label people want to throw at me. Just me - whoever that is! So I have joined the masses who are already blogging a bit incognito. Hopefully this will all me a space to do the word vomit thing without worry about who will read and judge. Who knows if this little project will take off? I've always been one of those starters but not always a finisher.

I suppose, here goes nothing...